The logs of another dice chucker
Gaming, ranting, bitching, and moaning

Because I Got High Elves, Because I Got High Elves, Because I Got High Elves; la dadadada

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

So this week I don’t have anything else lined up(it’s Valhalla for us folks at BTP so I haven’t been keeping up on the news lately), but GW was kind enough to grace us with some new High Elf models since that’s coming out next week. So since I don’t feel like dwelling on jokes too long, let’s get high! Elves.

So normally I try and organize this based on army organization in the game, but this week I want to start with the new stupid, ugly, fully retarded big model for the High Elves; the Lothern Skycutter.
Lothern Skycutter Lothern Skycutter 2
Seriously? Flying boats being pulled by giant Eagles and one of them has a bolt thrower on it. This is the best the folks at Games Workshop could come up with for High Elves? What happens when the Eagle suddenly turns upwards when you’re firing that bolt thrower? You crash. And die. Horribly. It’s not even that flying boats can’t be cool(I did a review over on youtube on a game that’s all about skyships), but this just looks eight kinds of dumb; even for GW.

Just in case you have some sort of giant bird fetish(you weirdo), GW has you covered with another stupidly over-compensatory bird kit: the Flamespyre and Frostheart Phoenix.
Flamespyre Phoenix Frostheart Phoenix
So Phoenix Guard riding on Phoenixes, eh? Seems like GW has been reading one too many X-ibit memes. Not only do the birds look stiff and unnatural, but the guys riding still have those stupid giant wings on their helmets which would only serve to catch the wind and snap their necks the second their mount gets up to speed. I don’t even get why these damn things need to exist; High Elves already have an awesome flying beastie. It’s called a freaking DRAGON.

You know what pisses me off most about these two new kits, though? They took time. High Elves still have the same stupid, ugly, Gorilla handed, dress wearing Spearmen and Archers that are in dire need of a makeover, and instead GW craps out two absurdly mediocre kits involving giant birds. It’s bullcrap like this that makes me lose faith in the gaming industry a little(then I see new Infinity models or read more about the Convergeance for Warmachine and get happy again) because people will buy these with whatever flimsy justification they can think of for encouraging GW’s practice to just churning out bigger and dumber looking kits and charging you more and more and more.

Ok now that I have that out of my system let’s look at one of the infantry units GW did opt to remake; Shadow Warriors. This is a double kit that also makes the Sisters of Avelorn.
Shadow Warriors Sisters of Avelorn
Now those Shadow Warriors are what I’m talking about! Those things look baller as hell. Alright the poses are still blander than week old bread that’s been left in the sun, but the new design is pretty sexy. The Sisters of Avelorn, though? I’m a bit torn. It’s nice to see that GW is at least attempting to learn how to sculpt lady faces, and the bulk of the models look nice, but those bows and that hair just kill it for me. I’ve already made my point a few times how I hate sculpted flame because it always looks so fake, and these are no exception. The hair just looks weird, though. I get they need modularity(is that a word?) in the heads for posing, but surely ponytails would have looked better and conveyed a bit more of a womanly charm? Overall, though, I’d give this kit a solid B+. Also it’s $50 for 10 plastic models, and that’s just a wee bit silly in any game.

Let’s move on to the new single models, starting with the new character lady; Alarielle the Radiant..
She’s apparently the Everqueen according to the fluff on their website. It’s not a terrible model. The face is a bit manly, the hair is a little over the top, she’s barefoot on the battlefield like a true idiot and she seems to be sprouting flowers where she walks which strikes me far more as a Wood Elf thing than a High Elf thing. Also she has a heart on her stomach like a friggin’ Care Bear or something.

Next is the Handmaiden of the Everqueen.
Handmaiden of the Everqueen
Now this is actually a pretty legit looking model. Feminine, but deadly. Graceful, but will stab you in the face. Showing off a little leg and a lot of spear. My only major complaint is that, like the Everqueen herself, she’s covered in hearts like she just stepped out of Sailor Moon. Also it makes me wonder if the Sisters of Avelorn will have a spear option since she’s toting a pretty hefty one.

Lastly we have the new Loremaster of Hoeth.
Loremaster of Hoeth
And holy freaking hell! A Fantasy model in an exciting, dynamic and action packed pose?! WHAT WITCH-CRAFT IS THIS?! In all seriousness this guy looks pretty rad. The silly horns/moon on his helmet are a bit dopey, and the heart there on his shoulder doesn’t really convey his awesome swordmage persona, but overall he looks great. I hope that if GW ever gets around to doing a legit plastic kit for Swordmasters they’ll look half as good as this dude. Oh who am I kidding; they’ll be in the same crappy pose their in now because GW never learns.

And that’s it. There’s also a heraldry book, but it seems a bit pointless to pay $33 for a book that serves literally no gaming purpose. Also; if they keep up their stupid quota from the last book it’ll probably say High Elves all wear white anyway, so enjoy pissing away your money suckers.


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